The little ghouls of self-doubt began to prod me, whispering, ‘This could have been a fine story, if you showed it but you’re telling. May as well hand a reader an outline and be done with it.’
Please click here to read the rest of the piece on BookLive. Thanks for your support.
The often heard lament, “I have so little time,” gives the lie to the delusion that the daily is of little significance. Everyone has exactly the same amount of time, the same twenty-four hours. - Kathleen Norris
Hello. It has been awhile. I thought I'd be back by yesterday. But, you see, first I needed to load up all that software for my very cool and very wrist friendly magic touchpad and...it took some time. Then, because I am so woefully out of date, the new software immediately required updating before the touchpad would do anything more than be a one click old fashion mouse. Which is hardly magic. After that (4am this morning, if you are wondering. Yes. Long! Time!) there were the rest of the updates and now...now I think we are done for well - a week?
Honestly people, my needs computer wise are fairly basic. A wee bit of iphoto, my internet, my Word doc programme and we're good. But given old fashion mice are one of the main culprits in my wrist, my computer can now do a zillion things that I'll never bother to try.
But it is done. The Things are back at school. Both doing beautifully. Orwell is signed up for school (technically he is too old, but the teacher is a sucker for SPCA pets) and at last I have time to write. And at last my wrist may be able to stand it? Not sure. Kind of aching while I do this post. Then again, this is my first day off pain meds since...well...mid November?
Slowly, easy does it. Yeah, I know. The pain is backing off. At one point I was waking up in the morning and rushing for those meds like a drug addict. This last week it would sometimes be near lunch time befor I was like, 'Hey, wait a minuite...'
My shoulder is definitely getting stronger. I'm standing up straighter. But oh my, just as I start feeling over confident - bam - reality strikes.
I am going to write. See...doing it right now. And when I get frustrated? I have Orwell. Orwell is an awesome dog. Still can't believe we found him at the SPCA. He loves to go walking / running. Does not yank on his lead. Is not vicious. And he adores me.Told the SPCA this morning (Orwell had a check up) that if those old owners (who have been AWOL for over 5 weeks!) come back tough luck. Given a few signs on Orwell's body, SPCA agrees. Somebody hurt my poor dog once-upon-a-time and it is truly amazing how the dog can still be so bloody wonderful despite it.
Orwell is lovely.
Makes up for the uprooted bell pepper plant (Husband may not agree), the hose nozzle (Husband may not agree) and the jumping up (Husband's already got the dog to not do it to him. I'm still a work-in-progress. I tell myself it is because the dog loves me more AND I'm the first person to greet Orwell in the morning).
Thing 2 is also in love with Orwell. First being she greets in the morning. Of course this is after I've walked the dog and the dog is significantly calmer. But it works.
This blog is all over the place. Probably scares many readers - open a post and have no idea what to bloody expect. Rather like life, isn't it? I blame my upbringing, as most people should.
I grew up in an area where the word 'normal' long ago took a hike and never came back. So much so I have a set of relatives who visited my parents recently and were overjoyed because they got to attend local school board and council meetings. Found them a hoot. Growing up in an area like this is probably why my work seems to some to be bordering the 'stranger than fiction'. But that is my reality, and it give me a good eye for understanding how the tragic, the insane, the joy and laughs can all be intertwined at the same time while all being equally true.
(I'd tell you more about my childhood and hometown, but then what on earth would I have left to talk about when I'm hosting braais, invited to dinners and talk to people while having my hair done? That's the problem with blogs and FB - there is nothing left to say.)
Yes, I know, posts like these are more fun than say the one I put up on BookLive last night: When 'I am fine' hurts. (Many thanks to those that left comments and read it.)
But that is what real life is - a mess of everything. Like this week: I spent much time rocking out with my kids (I don't know if we dance well, but we have enthusiasm in droves), found exceedingly ridiculous pleasure in spotting our first froglet, had a brilliant time with friends on a school night (shhh, don't tell anybody we did that) to having to hear the news that I'll probably require surgery on my arm.
(Do not even begin to ask me how I will run my life without full use of my right arm for 3 to 6 weeks. But I guess it will work out, because we're just like that. I grumble, but get the job done.)
Very downer of a post, that 1,000 words that are now a wee bit less. I wrote that sucker, deleted it and wrote it again - rinse and repeat.
But here is the thing, while I am not happy that I ignored a real issue in my life to the point where I'm looking at surgery, it has also been liberating. Finally dealing with the issue, rather than simply maintaining 'I'm not letting this incident rule my life.' This has been key to lifting that cloud that has been plaguing me all winter long.
I'm a moody person. Not ever going to claim it is a cure. But it is a moment I hope to learn a big ol' lesson from. I know a lot about women and self-blame. I know a lot about women and self-image. And the way we compare ourselves to one another and how it feeds into expectations we cannot all meet. It is bad for our mental and physical health to take our own lives and go, 'Well, if she could do it, what is my excuse?' Yet knowing something and actually applying it to your own life are two separate things.
It is like how Paula Radcliffee ran 14miles a day while pregnant. I am very happy for her. Many women can and do exercise while pregnant. During my two pregnancies, however, I felt like utter shit and gained massive amount of weight. Just the thought of running would make me gag. Then I turned around and had my babies like it was no big deal - no pain killer required. Yet even in this modern age in modern countries there are still women dying from giving birth. We do not all act the same in every situation.
So I posted my BookLive post, despite the fact it is depressing. Because life should not be lived like the Monty Python skit Four Yorkshiremen. If something bothers you, maybe there is a reason, even if it isn't the worst thing in the world. Perhaps forcing yourself to keep ploughing forward, just because others can and do, may not be the right answer.
Hey, I'm still smiling, laughing. I am going to be okay. Although it may take my right arm a wee while to forgive me.
Book LIVE (formally BookSA) has posted a report on the Cape Town launch of The Edge of Things. (Yes, click there for the article.) If you would like to see the entire photo gallery which includes pics of yours truly trying to keep her eyes open, click here. (No, they don't put names with captions. I *think* it is for legal reasons.)
The ebook for Wisdom Has a Voice, which features my essay 'Birds of Promise,' is out now. The paper version, complete with photographs and a far better layout, will be available in October. But for those who love your e-readers, or live outside of the United States, the ebook may be the one for you.
For those that would like to know a wee bit more about my piece, please click here to see my post on BookLive.
1. James Fouche is extremely sorry to say he will not be able to attend The Short Story Day South event in Mossel Bay.
2. Diaz Bookshop, where James is no longer speaking, is sorry to say they will no longer be serving free tea, but attendees are welcome to buy coffee and cake for R20.
3. However, you could win enough money for 500 rounds of coffee and cake if you enter the Book Live / Short Story Day South uber flash fiction contest. The rules are HERE the place to post your story is HERE. (psst...THEN you also email it to shortstorydaysouth@gmail.com)
4. I always feel bad if people think I am lying or misleading them. But I really do plan on being there.
5. I bought a cooldrink (soda / pop) this morning from a corner shop this morning.
6. I didn't want it.
7. I was trying to break a bill because I had ZERO change.
8. Had to buy petrol, you see.
9. As an ex-petrol station attendant I suffer from guilt if I fill up the tank and don't tip.
10. I am aware I should not feel guilty about any of this.
11. I am not responsible for James' day job. James tried. James' day job is how James is able to eat.
12. Unless people only want to hear authors like Stephen King speak, then authors' day jobs will always be an issue when trying to do any writing event. The day job has to win. Authors must eat or they die. Dead people don't write very well.
13. I don't have such a glamorous explanation for the bookshop fiasco.
14. Although if rumours are to be believed, I should simply be grateful the entire event is not cancelled.
15. It is only a rumour.
16. But word is out that as of this weekend the owner of the building where the bookshop is located is no longer with this world. By choice.
17. And people ask me how I find inspiration for stories while living in Mossel Bay.
18. Yes, I get asked the above question all the time. Another popular one: 'So you're a writer-writer, like have an actual book and stuff?'
19. The answer: yes.
20. The typical reply to this revelation: 'Oh, I thought you were a mom.'
I've written a piece on BookSA There be Danger in Fiction's Lies. It examines the mantra 'Stranger than fiction.' Every fiction writer finds herself balancing the tightrope between believability and reality while actually writing a lie - a story that is untrue. But at times fiction seems to be in danger of being the tail wagging the dog. That what society now views as fact is actually a fiction, repeated over and over again because the reality is deemed stranger than fiction. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject, so please do pop over for a read and comment there, here or email me.
